But You Said Yes
by Future badass m.e
Summary: Set after S03-Ep07 where everything becomes too much for Jane and she reverts to her old ways of dealing with overwhelming situations.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, all the rights go to TNT.  
Warning: Drug use and mention of eating disorders.

* * *

"Jane, I don't know what's been going on with you and I'm not one to guess but you've been exhibiting symptoms of either an eating disorder or drug addiction."

She was sitting down next to Jane on the uncomfortable couch in her office. She'd had doubts about what was going with her best friend for a couple of weeks but she was too scared of hearing the answer to ask her. The usually outgoing Italian had refused invitations to go out to dinner every time Maura asked for the last two weeks under the pretence that she had no money or that she wasn't hungry. The already skinny detective had lost a considerable amount of weight that she could not really allow to lose in the last couple of weeks and the doctor was getting worried. Had it been just that the doctor wouldn't have been to concerned but added to that Jane was either not sleeping or sleeping too much and she had called in sick three times in the last two weeks. Something was off and the doctor needed to know what it was.

Since the detective wasn't adding anything to the conversation, just staring at Maura with a mix of sadness and a hint of anger, the doctor continued elaborating on why she'd called Jane down to her office for their lunch break.

"Please tell me it's none of those two things because I don't think I could forgive myself for not helping you through this for so long."

The doctor's eyes were full of tears when she thought that she may have let her best friend down and the detective couldn't stand the sight so she stood on shaky legs and just left without saying a word. Wasn't that easier than telling her best friend and secretly love of her life the truth?

She went straight to the bathroom and crumbled down in one of the stalls. One her knees, she pulled out a little container of dental floss and opened it to find what would make her day just a bit easier.

Just as she was pouring a white powdery line on the outer side right hand, the stall door opened. 'Dammit' she thought to herself 'I should have been more careful. I knew I was to flustered to do this at work'.

* * *

She wanted to scream at her. She wanted to be angry with her but all she could manage was to be sad for her best friend, the strongest woman she knew. It was one of the possibilities she'd imagined but knowing it was the truth was not the same.

"How long?" it wasn't what she wanted to ask but the real question would not come out of her mouth so this came out instead.

She wasn't even bothered by the fact the doctor had found out her secret. It was just a question of time until she did so she snorted the line she'd prepared before answering because what was the point of wasting any, right?

She looked up to find the doctor's cheeks with tears running down them and her gorgeous hazel eyes closed to spare herself the pain of seeing her best friend doing what would surely be the end of her career.

"The first time I took cocaine I was 17 and had to go to rehab for a month to get clean and I was for about 20 years until four weeks ago." She answered with her eyes still trained to the opposite wall.

Five weeks ago the detective had been kidnapped by Dominic Bianchi but the doctor couldn't figure out, if she was going to start again, why was it a week after the events?

She had to ask why the timeline didn't add up because she really hoped it wasn't because of what she was thinking right now.

"Why did you only start a week after the incident with Bianchi? Why couldn't you ask for help to stay strong and not relapse after you've made so much efforts for a week?"

The brunette couldn't help the snarky laugh that came at the question. She finally looked up to make eye contact with the doctor. While Maura's eyes conveyed concern and sadness, Jane's contained anger but at the same time they were empty.

"Because a week after I'd almost had my eyes and throat burnt by acid, the jackass you call your fiancé came back from Africa, again unannounced, and asked you to marry him. The worst part, is that just when I was preparing myself to tell you just how much I wa-am in love with you, you said yes."

* * *

A.N.: I'm looking for some beta readers because let's face it, we all need a bit of help sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

She'd finally said it. She finally told her best friend how she felt about her. Obviously she was too late now because she was getting married soon, but she'd finally said it.

She looked up to see Maura crying. If she didn't have such a nice buzz going on, she'd probably be sad for her but she couldn't bring herself to care right now.

"Why are you still here? Why haven't you hit me or screamed at me yet?" Deep down, she knew those were stupid questions but she couldn't restrain herself from asking them in the state she was right now.

The blonde didn't even bother answering; she knew it would be useless. She just looked down at Jane once she stopped sobbing and decided what she was going to do to try and fix this.

"You stay there and do not move until I come get you. I am locking the door from outside, so don't panic if you try to get out and can't open it."

Jane's only answer was to scoff at her. With that, she left for her office where she got her phone.

She hated doing this by phone, it's not the way it should be done but she had to deal with this as soon as she could. She went through her contacts and found the person she wanted to call. While she was waiting for him to answer, she finally stopped and thought about what was happening. The shock subsided a bit and she could think more rationally about this situation. She'd accepted to marry Ian because she wanted to try and move on from her feelings for Jane. When he came back from wherever her was for the past couple of years, she thought that marrying him would be a good idea. For once in her life, she was wrong.

She didn't hear the other person answer his phone because she was too deep in thought. She finally remembered what she wanted to do when she heard "Honey, what's wrong?" on the other end of the line. She hated pet names. Well, she hated it when someone other than Jane said them.

"I know I should have done this in person, but I have to do this as quickly as possible. Ian, we're not going to get married. When I get back home from my day at work, I want you out of my house; you understand?"

"Maura, let's talk about this. I have no idea why you're saying…"

"This is not up for discussion. I really did like you Ian, but I don't want to hear from you again. I put up with you coming and leaving for years now, the least you can do is just leave without asking any questions because I don't have any answers I can give you."

With that she hung up and went back to the bathroom where she'd locked Jane in. She had to get her friend out of the building before she got caught and lost her job. She still couldn't believe that the Italian would do something as stupid as getting high; at work no less. When she got in, she made sure to lock the door again; she wouldn't want any coworkers coming in while Jane was high off her ass. After locking the door, she went inside the stall where Jane was still sitting on the ground, staring at the wall in front of her, and sat down next to her friend.

None of them said a word. Maura needed to think about what was happening and Jane, well Jane just didn't care about starting a conversation with her best friend turned love of her life.

The doctor couldn't stop thinking that this was so out of character for the detective. Sure she drank often, but not enough to be considered an alcoholic. When Maura had gone out with Dennis, her best friend had scared her out of doing any illegal activities in the future. Wasn't cocaine worst than graffiti? She tried to think of something Jane did or said that would point to her using illegal drugs, but she just couldn't find anything. Even when she got hurt she refused to take painkillers!

Jane was the first one to break the silence. "Were you calling Ian just now? Maybe a quick fuck with the love of your life would make you feel better." She couldn't help herself. She knew that she was being a total bitch; she just didn't care. She felt like she was floating right now and nothing could make her feel bad.

Maura just cried at this. She knew she deserved Jane's bitter words so she just stayed there and cried. She knew the detective would be high for about 30 minutes still, so she decided to wait it out. She didn't want to talk to her while she was in this state because it would be no use. She would just keep being mean to her and she would probably lose patience before they amounted to anything good.

* * *

When she saw Jane taking out her small dental floss container, Maura took it and threw it in the toilet, flushing what was left of the detective's stash.

"You really shouldn't have done that. Do you know how fucking expensive this shit is?" The brunette was furious. She was getting down from her high and she needed another line. She had to get back to her apartment where she had a small dose left until she could go buy some more. She shot her best friend one last look before leaving to go to her car.

The doctor wasn't as naïve as Jane seemed to think she was. Obviously the detective was going to have some cocaine left at home but at least she would have come down from her high enough for the doctor to have a decent conversation with her until they got to her apartment. It was good that she knew her friend so well and knew where she had parked her car, because when Jane got to her unmarked, Maura was waiting in the passenger seat, not letting the detective go home without her.

The Italian really needed that next dose, so even if she didn't want her friend to be there when she did this, it wasn't her fault that the blonde refused to get out of her way. She got in, put her seat belt on and left for her apartment.

* * *

They hadn't said a word the entire ride and when they got to the detective's apartment, she tried to outrun her friend to lock her out while she got what she needed. She didn't think that her best friend could run as fast as her, if not faster so her "plan", if that's what you want to call it, did not work.

Maura just stood in the living room while Jane was looking for her fix. When she finally found it, she turned to look at her friend. That's when she realised she needed to stop, at least until the doctor was out of her apartment.

"Why didn't you turn me in yet? Why haven't you even said anything yet!?" She was starting to get angry at the blonde's reaction. She needed her to say something, tell her how much of a fucking disappointment she was or at least tell her right now that she didn't want anything to do with a useless, bum, drug addict. She needed her to do something other than cry and take Jane's verbal lashing because this wasn't her fault. All this was happening because the Italian wasn't strong enough to handle what life threw at her.

The doctor was startled out of silence when Jane hit the lamp on the table next to her couch and broke it on the floor.

"I haven't said anything yet because I'm still in shock that I led my best friend, the strongest woman I know and the woman I love more than anyone else to take drugs to try and deal with me being such a dumb ass!"

* * *

A/N: So, to answer most of your reviews, this is going to be a multi chapter fic so don't worry about if I'm going to keep going or not, I will make it clear when I'm done. &amp; thank you for the positive reviews, it's fun to know that you want more! :)


	3. Chapter 3

This was getting too much for her. She was sobering up, fast, and she had her best friend/love of her life blaming herself for how much of a fuck up she was. She had to get out of there, or at least get Maura out of there so she could get her fix and start thinking a bit clearer.

"Maura, this isn't your fault, believe me when I say I'm a fuck up all on my own, even if your decision, not you, was the catalyst that made me do what I did, it is not because of you. I really need you to leave, please." She was begging her to leave.

Even if she was angry with Maura, she couldn't let her friend see her do this again. Had she been in full control of her emotions earlier she wouldn't have taken that line in front of her but now she could stop herself for the couple of minutes it would take for her to get the medical examiner out of her apartment.

What she didn't expect was the blonde putting up a fight with her. Just as she was about to give up and leave to go find her dealer, she heard Maura speak. With all the thoughts going over in her head and the slight shakiness in her limbs, she didn't quite catch what she'd said.

"What?"

"I called him. We're not getting married. In fact, if we go to my place right now, he should be out with all his stuff."

Even if her voice was low and broken, Jane managed to hear what Maura had said loud and clear. She took a look at the shaken up woman in front of her and she knew she'd screwed up. Even with that realisation, she needed her fix.

"You have no idea how glad I am that you did that, but you shouldn't have broken up with the love of your life for me. Go back over to your place and tell him to stay. I hope he hasn't left yet."

"No." Was the only answer the detective got at this. She looked at the doctor again and saw the resolve in her stance and eyes. She was getting antsy, so she just decided that getting her best friend angry with her would do the trick.

"Fine Maur, whatever. Just leave so I can…" she just looked down at the small baggy in her hand that was about half full with white powder. She couldn't bring herself to tell her friend what she was about to do, even if they both knew exactly why she wanted her out of there.

That's when Maura decided to speak up, because she'd had about enough of this for one day.

"I just want to talk to you before you get high again. I won't even try to wrestle that last dose out of your hand because we both know you have the upper hand when it comes to physical things and even if I did throw it out, you'd just go out and buy more. Can you please just listen to me for one minute before you kick me out?"

The look in Jane's eye could only be described as a mix of indecision and surprise at the doctor's unusual determination. She couldn't bring herself to answer so she just nodded to give Maura the go to continue.

"I've known I was in love with you for about 4 years, to be more precise, the night when Hoyt got out of prison and you came to my place because you wanted to be away from your mother. When you joked about me being attracted to you, you didn't notice that I didn't answer you. I didn't want to get hives but I didn't want to tell you the truth either because you would have ran. I wanted to give you time to come to terms with this. After 4 years of just hiding my feelings for you, you never spoke up so when Ian proposed, I thought marrying him would keep my mind off you because you were obviously not going to make your move. Granted I could have waited longer and now I know I really should have but what's done is done. I'm walking out of your apartment in the next couple of seconds knowing full well that you are going to take a substance that I really do not approve of, but I have to let you make your own decisions. I won't stay here while your high because I can't deal with that, but I'll be back tomorrow morning with some options for you because now that I know my feelings aren't unrequited, you can be sure I'm helping you through this so we can give 'us' a chance."

Jane could only stare at Maura while she was walking out of her apartment. She wanted to ask her to stay, but she couldn't bring herself to say the words. The doctor opened the door and just as she put a foot out of the doorframe, she looked back at the true love of her life, nothing compared to Ian, and gave her a small smile.

When the detective noticed the tear going down Maura's cheek, she just broke down and cried for a good part of the evening before she fell asleep on her floor from exhaustion, the little baggy still half full on the floor next to her left hand.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I'm not particularly proud of this chapter but I guess it had to be written for the story to continue. The worst times are ahead for our two favourite ladies, but Rizzles is on its way. I'm guessing about another chapter or two of cranky and bitchy Jane, but not much more than that. I have never been in a situation of dealing with someone with a hard drug problem so if some things seem unrealistic, send me a pm and I'll gladly take your insight in consideration. I hope you'll stick with me through this and I hope you liked this chapter more than I did.


	4. Chapter 4

It was early morning when Jane woke up, trembling and sweating. Her first instinct was to reach for her baggy of cocaine that was lying next to her on the ground, but when she went to pour a line of the substance that would end those unpleasant symptoms, she remembered what happened the night before.

She got up and went to the bathroom to flush what she had left of her preferred drug. Maura had left the love of her life for her. She couldn't believe it; this had to be a dream.

She stood in front of her bathroom mirror and took a look at herself for the first time in a month. She looked horrible. How could Maura leave her only chance at real happiness for a mess like her?

"What the fuck am I doing?" she asked herself in a raspy, sleep-laden voice.

"I think I have a good idea about what you're doing, but the real question is what are you going to do now?" Jane jumped back a couple of feet and took a defensive stance when she heard the voice coming from the bathroom door. In all her thinking, she hadn't heard anyone come in her apartment; she really was out of it.

"Dammit Maura; you scared the shit out of me." She brought her left hand to her heart to emphasize that her heart was beating fast.

"Language, Jane." The doctor said that as she approached the brunette slowly, taking in her physical state.

"How are you feeling this morning?" the way she asked that, Jane knew the hidden meaning to her question: 'Are you high?'

"I flushed all that was left and now I feel shaky, weak and nauseous. Thanks for asking." She still kept her distance from the blonde, not wanting tempt herself with touching her. She was going to do the right thing here and she needed to be in full control of her capacities for that.

"You should call Ian, Maur. You made a mistake yesterday. I'm too much of a fuck up to make you happy or take care of you. Hell, I can't even take care of myself. Maybe the Jane you knew a while back was a good match for you, but I'm not the same as I was. I'm weak, broken. I'm not saying that to have you pity me, I'm saying that so you realize that you'd be much better off with Ian." During her rant, she kept eye contact with the doctor even though hers were full of tears. She finally had the woman she'd loved for more than 4 years and now she was pushing her away because of the stupid choices she'd made.

But it was the right thing to do, wasn't it?

Maura stepped forward into Jane's personal space; she needed to touch her, to comfort her. With the detective backed up against the wall, it was easy for her to get to her and when she did, she enveloped her in her arms and they slid to the floor, their backs on the wall. The Italian let her head fall on her best friend's shoulder and let herself cry. She cried for what could have been, she cried for the pain she'd caused her best friend, she cried because she'd just pushed the love of her life away, she just cried until she didn't have any tears left in her.

When the detective's sobbing lightened a bit, the doctor decided it was time that she answered her.

"You are not broken Jane. This is just a bump in the road. You are a great person and you will get over this. WE will get over this. I don't need Ian to make me happy Jane, having you around, in any capacity be it best friend or more, is enough. I love you so much and I couldn't just leave you like this, without trying. There are options, therapies that can help you. I researched them last night when I went back home. You got clean once, you can do it again and you'll have me to help this time." By the end of her speech, the Italian a started crying again, but not from sorrow. She knew she had to stop using and fast.

* * *

They sat like that for what seemed like hours before Maura got up to make some lunch for Jane and her. When she looked in the kitchen for something to make, what she saw made her heart ache. No wonder her friend had lost so much weight. Not just the drugs, but there was nothing to eat in her apartment apart from a small cube of mouldy cheese and three olives in the bottom of a jar. She told Jane she would be back in a few minutes, that she was just headed out to get some food and then left for the corner store not far from the detective's apartment.

* * *

When she got back, she was surprised to see that Jane was sitting at a stool in the kitchen, not on the couch or lying down in her room.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why are you sitting there? Wouldn't you prefer to be on the couch or somewhere more comfortable than a barstool? You must be feeling a great deal of pain right now and I would have imagined you would have wanted to be more comfortable."

While she was putting away the couple of groceries she'd bought, she heard Jane mumble an answer.

"I know, and I am in a lot of pain by the way so don't think I'm here because I'm not, I just want to be closer to you is all."

They stayed in relative silence while Maura was making lunch. At first, the doctor had wanted to include her best friend in the preparations since she was there anyways, but stopped asking for help when Jane had dropped the thing she asked to be passed for the third time because of the shakiness she felt. The only thing breaking the silence was the sound of the bacon cooking for the BLTs and the knife slicing the vegetables. All that time the detective watched the blonde work with a semi-blank stare. She was thinking about what she was going to do about her situation.

When they sat down to eat, she decided that she wanted to spare her love the painful days of withdrawal ahead and that the doctor didn't deserve to see her at her worst. She remembered what it was like the first time in rehab, she could only imagine what it would be like outside of a facility. If she was going to do this, she would do it the most painless way for the people around her and the most efficient way. She knew the blonde wouldn't like her being away for a while, but it was a necessary evil.

"Look Maur, I kind of made a decision about what I'll be doing to get through this."

At those words, the doctor put her sandwich down and dedicated her full attention to Jane.

"I-uh… I want to spare you the unnecessary pain of dealing with me through this. I know you think you want to help me, and you'll still be helping me don't worry about that, but you don't want to be around me during this time. I remember the first time and it wasn't pretty. It's not so bad right now, but in a couple of hours it'll be hell on earth. I'll go to a rehab facility, whichever one I can afford and get better and after that we can see where you want 'us' to go. I already have the first step done, admitting I have a problem. I hope it'll go faster than last time, at least this time I'll have something, someone to fight for. I'll pack my stuff after lunch and start researching facilities and tell you the contact information. I'll also call Lieutenant Cavanaugh, god I hope I don't lose my job over this, and I'll tell you when I'm leaving."

Maura just sat there silent while Jane was talking and when she was done, she got up to go get her purse and pull out a couple of information pamphlets. She laid them on the table for the detective to browse through.

"I told you I'd researched some treatments yesterday. You won't need to worry about the cost; I'll take care of it. Chose the one you would prefer, they're all highly regarded, and don't worry about the rest. Lieutenant Cavanaugh is already advised that you will be on indefinite medical leave, and I will deal with your mother when the time comes. I want you to get better Jane. I want there to be an 'us' sooner rather than later."

"I'd like to say I can't accept you paying for this, but I probably couldn't even afford the cheapest one. I'll repay you every penny though, don't worry about that. As for my mother, I'll give her a call before leaving; you shouldn't have to deal with all of the repercussions of my actions."

She became teary eyed again and at that, she got angry at herself. She raised a shaky hand to wipe her eyes.

"Why the fuck do I keep crying today ugh!"

"Because you're experiencing symptoms of depression. You're also displaying signs of shakiness, weakness and pain. They'll go away soon, don't worry."

* * *

The rehab facility picked, her bags packed and all of her arrangements taken care of, she got into Maura's car, on their way to the location where Jane would take some time to get better for her and especially for her best friend, the love of her life. The car ride wasn't that long as the center was in Boston and it was filled with a comfortable silence. When they got there, Maura let Jane leave, even though it was hard, after a long and comfortable embrace.

This would be a hard time for both of them, but they would both be winners in the outcome.

* * *

A/N: I just don't think that someone can overcome addiction while still being surrounded by "temptation" if you want to call it that so I wanted to make it easier on both the ladies by sending Jane to a rehab facility. To answer some of you angry Guest Reviewers, I don't think that addiction defines a person. So for those of you saying "Jane doesn't deserve Maura" the fact that Jane has a weakness doesn't take away all the good qualities she has. If you're reading a Rizzles fanfiction, I guess you like the relationship so I don't think that your opinion should change because of drug abuse, but then again it is your opinion and I cannot know your motivations behind those thoughts. &amp; for you who said that it is out of character, I agree it is a bit out of character, but I don't think it would be that far fetched. Anyone can succumb to addiction, even the best of us so I wouldn't exclude any of our ladies from that. Anyways, thank you all for the feedback and I hope I didn't disappoint to badly with the last chapter.


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